Missing You.........

My dad is going to kill me for posting this picture=D But, it is one of my favorites. My Dad is in the middle, with the cigarette between his fingers, glasses on his face and vest over his chest. From the left you have ; my late, Uncle Marcel, My Aunt Sasha, My Dad; Carry, Uncle Steve is the tall guy and then my late Uncle Paul; who my son, Samuel Paul, is named after (he is also named after my Uncle David Paul, too. I will tell you all about him in later blogs). I try to think back to those days and wonder what life was like? To look at pictures it seems life was so easy and simple. But was it really? Looking at this picture I would love to know what My Aunt Sasha is pointing at....could it be a gangster driving by=D? (JOKING) Some kids riding on their bikes with cans dragging behind them? Or maybe she was simply telling someone," look in the car, it's in there?"=D My Dad seems to have something on his mind, as well,....along with my Uncle Marcel and Uncle Paul. My Uncle Steve is the only one paying attention to the task at hand; which was, taking a family picture with his siblings.=D

Now, that time has passed, I can't help but wonder if any of them thought they would ever have to lay one of them to rest. Obviously, they didn't. They probably thought they would be together until the end of time. Growing old together with the rest of their families. Making new memories and reflecting back on the old ones. Sadly though, we have laid to rest two of them....My Uncle Marcel, who was murdered in the 1980's and my Uncle Paul, who died of Pulmonary Hypertension, in 2002. Both were in their 30's; so young to be gone.

It shows us that we are never promised another tomorrow. You need today, to put to rest any bad feelings you have for your loved ones and make peace. Tomorrow their time or yours could be up. If not, you will be left with a lot of guilt and sorrow. Believe me, I know, and it hurts every day. Get to know them. Just because you think you know your family doesn't mean you do. There maybe things you never knew about them. There are things I never knew about my Uncle Paul, until recently, when My Aunt Donna; his wife, told me about them. I was amazed at the man ; the Christian man, he was. To have know what I know now, back then. To have that chance to connect with him. To have had a deeper relationship ; other than the occasional visits and phone calls. For some there is still time to make things right. For others, your time has passed. If we only had one more chance to say, "I LOVE YOU!"

God is Listening..........

Have you ever asked yourself, "I wonder if God hears me?" Or, "God are you listening?" My friends, He is. Even when you feel he isn't or that He has washed His hands of you; He is still there, waiting for you. Maybe you are the one who isn't listening? Ever wonder?

I say this only because it wasn't long ago I felt this way. Matter of fact, I have asked God for several weeks,"Lord are you listening? Have you turned your back away from me?" I really have been scared that God has had enough and turned His back on me. I can't help but wonder,"When is enough, enough to God?" When does He finally think; "Okay I have given them chance after chance, but they just keep failing me and disappointing me. If they haven't got it yet, they never will."

Well, the Lord finally answered me. Yesterday was Our first Sunday back in church in over a month. You are probably wondering, Why so long? Well, the last time we went; Jacob's Children Church teacher came and got Joe out of the service. Jacob never stopped crying when we dropped him off at his class. Again you are wondering..."Let him cry, he'll stop eventually." Not Jacob.....not when he is that upset. They told Joe he was trying to escape out the door and then when they told him NO! He went to the window and was going to escape that way. So, needless to say, we have been to embarrassed to go back and we were afraid of how Jacob would react. But, I couldn't take being away from God and not hearing His Word. I feel that is one way the Lord speaks to us. So, I felt if I could go to church maybe, I would hear Him there. Then I could know if God has turned His back on me.

Jacob and Samuel were in the service with us....they did well, too. But it was still distracting and I did have to walk out twice to help the baby. So, before I knew it church was over and I felt I had walked away empty. I didn't hear God today. I was so mad and upset. Joe asked me at one point on the way home,"Why do you have that look on your face?" I replied, "Because! I don't know why we even went today! I didn't get anything from the message, the kids were in there with us. They were good but at times it was distracting. You seemed frustrated. It would've been better to have stayed at home. I sorry, I'm just tired and don't feel good." I didn't feel like myself, yes, but there was more to it. So, after lunch the baby and I went to my room shut the door and stayed in bed all day. I laid there thinking about the service, "Was there a time God tried to talk to me or tell me something and I just wasn't listening?"

The baby and I got up and began the night, dinner, baths etc.... When the kids went to bed I thought Joe and I would watch "Fireproof". We did and what a great movie! Loved it! When it was over we got ready for bed and went to bed. But I laid there talking to God and finally, HE SPOKE TO MY HEART! Out of no where a part of the service played in my head.....It was when we were singing "Amazing Grace". The Lord reminded me of a time in my life when I felt no one listened to me. I would sing "Amazing Grace" and just cry my eyes out. One night I began screaming at God, asking him "DO YOU HEAR ME?! DO YOU LISTEN TO ME?" That Sunday Joe and I went to church (running late as usual) and this woman was up on stage getting ready to sing and she sang "Amazing Grace". I began to sob like a baby. That was the song I had been singing all week and that was God's way in letting me know he is listening to me.

Well, last night the Lord let me know, again through song, that he hears me and that He has not given up on me. Thank You Lord! Thank you! I can't imagine God's love for us all. To be able to Love like that; I couldn't imagine it. But that is what he wants us to do. To love each other the way he loves us. To love unconditionally. To love when you feel that person doesn't deserve it. That you have given them chance after a chance, but they just keep letting you down; they just keep hurting you. I'm glad the Lord hasn't quit loving me. Most of all I'm glad, I have Him as My Father, my Lord and Savior.

My Happy Ever After

People said ,"They'll never make it." Others said,"They're to young." We said,"They are all wrong!" Joe and I were young when we married. Matter of fact, this december 11th, we will be celebrating 10 years together. WOW! Hard to believe. Our marriage got off to a rocky start. Joe lost his job the first few weeks of US being married. I got a new job a couple of weeks after US being married. Only to be laid off later. (Company started down sizing- you know the rule last hired; first fired.) But through it all we never let it break us. We were there for each other and loved and supported each other.
To better understand why some felt the way they did......In 1999, I was a Senior in High School. To some, my future was a wide open space. Many wanted to see me go off to college and "BE SOMEONE." All I wanted was to love and make Joe happy. I was and I Am happy with who and what I have become. Other people couldn't understand that at the time. Joe graduated in 1996, he is the type when he wants something, he wants it right then.=D So, He wanted to be married and we were; December 11th 1999. We figured, why wait?...We love each other and know that we were /are meant to be together till death! Looking back we laugh at all the memories we have shared so far. It has been a learning experience that we will cherish all our lives. I was the Princess and he was My knight and Shining Armor; MY PRINCE, who to me, saved me from a dark life.
Now, 9 years later, We are the King and Queen of our Domain. We have a beautiful 4 yr old Princess; named Grace Anna ; A two Yr old, wild at heart Prince, named Jacob Michael; and a 3 month old Prince, named Samuel Paul. Who is starting to come out of his shell=D We are truly blessed and Rich. (rich in a sense some will not understand. A richness money can not buy) We have no clue what the future has in stored for Us. The unknown is what keeps Us going. It definitely keeps Our lives exciting. =DYou never know what is around the corner. All we can do is pray for God's guidance, protection, love, mercy and forgiveness. I know, My God, will not put more on Us than we can stand.