Too Long. So much has happen.....

Okay life has been busy for me. It has been to long=D Where to start....Grace and I went to the Beauty Shop and got our hair cut. She had all them ladies kicked up. You just had to be there to understand. She watched as Tara; my Beautician, cut my hair. She looked at her and said, "I don't want my hair cut like my Mommy's!" How funny! However, when she started cutting Grace's hair; Grace wanted her to keep cutting. I was the one that wanted her to stop at the shoulders. So Grace and I had a blast and enjoyed our "Girl Time."

Then We had Easter....I have to say Easter was Great this year! Just Us! Not that I don't enjoy the Family but it was just nice it being Joe, the kids and I. We got up and the "Easter Bunny" had come and left prizes for the kids, which they loved! Then we went to Church and then came home for a nice Sunday lunch and then a relaxing day.

After Easter was My 28th Birthday. April 20th=D Joe grilled steaks. We had baked potatoes and salad. Uncle David, Brock, Joe, the kids and I were there. We had a great time. I don't mind getting older. It's just the thought of being closer to death, I don't really care about. Death has been a constant thing in my life...From My Uncle Marcel, My Popsie (My Grandfather), My Uncle Paul, Erin (my friend), Lee (my Dad's friend who I wrote and still have letters from), Grandpa Shorty (Joe's Grandfather) and then Joe's sweet Grandma Toby (Dorothy Maye Masters). Death, YES has been a constant thing in my life. Not to mention all the animals we have lost over the years=D Heck, 202 Laura Lane has a Pet Cemetery in it=D Hey, Mom remember the cat you dried? hahahhaha!=D... I don't mind death though. We all are going to go at some point. We just best be ready and know where we are going. No one lives forever, you know. However, my Nanny Gandy will argue that.=D She probably feels she will live forever=D I know that is kind of disappointing to her. She is more than ready to be with Our Lord, Christ Jesus. Bless her heart! I don't know how I got on this anyways??....My Birthday was GREAT! here are a few pics....check out the cake picture=D

Then we have End Of School Year for Grace. Yes, my little girl is going to Kindergarten. I can't believe it! She had her last Field Trip, Her last Party and her Last day of Preschool. Preschool was a great experience for her and I feel she loved it. I know she made friends and some hopefully will go to school with her? (Brayleigh is going to her school next year. Hopefully they will be in the same class?) Here are a few pictures of these Special Moments....

After all this was the PUPPY, Dixie!! She is a 9 week old Puggle. Which is Beagle and a Pug mix and full of life=D... hope you enjoy the pics.....

Needless to say you can see why I haven't typed....keep in touch to see what's new in the Kennedy home.=D

MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS

I can't believe how much my Angel has grown since this picture was taken. I was pregnant with Jacob in this picture, so she couldn't have been more than 2 yrs old, if that. Looking at this picture, the one thought that pops in my mind is her hair. My poor baby had a hard time growing hair at first. She longed to have long hair like all the other girls her age. She would go and get my scarfs and have me tie them around her head and she would pretend that was her hair.=( I can remember her asking me day after day; night after night...."Mommy will I have long hair like Emmy (Emily was a neighbor girl, a year older than Grace, who had hair to her fanny)?" It broke my heart seeing her long for long hair. My mother and I bought her wigs one time. She loved them! She really felt special with those wigs. Of coarse, the day came that her hair, literally grew, what seemed like over night. Her hair is so long and curly now. She is a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL. This unfortunately, will not be the last time I see her long for something that she may not get at the time she wants it. It will not be the last time I see her heart broken.

Mother's and Daughter's share a special bond. They may not always get along in life; we daughters tend think we know more than our mothers, shame on us for ever thinking that. However, both could learn a great deal from each other.

When I was a child, my mother and I had a sweet, wonderful relationship. I always wanted to please my mom. I always wanted to spend time with her.Then the day came I became a teenager..Then something happen. I began to grow up; trying to find my place is this world. I was wanting to be independent. In the process, wanted no help from my mother because I thought I knew it all. I thought she was trying to smother me, trying to do everything for me; wanting to fix it all. Now, that I am a Mom, I see she was only trying to protect me from the pain and rejection of this world.

This was the woman I would come home and cry to when I didn't get asked to dance at the school dances. I would cry to her because all my friends had boyfriends and I didn't. I would ask her what was wrong with me.? She would always tell me nothing; that I was beautiful, that maybe they were to shy to ask me to dance and to shy to ask me to be their "girl."

Then I turned 16 yrs. old and turn my back on her. I thought she was trying to rule my life and control me. Again, she was only protecting me and wanting a close relationship with me. She knew something I didn't. She knew that I would soon be graduating and would be out on my own. I never saw that during that time. If I would not had been so stubborn; then maybe she would've not tried so hard to be my best friend. Instead would have concentrated more on being my mother. She wanted nothing more than for her and I to be best friends. To share more precious moments before I was truly grown and gone. I cheated her!....If I would've tried harder to have a mother, daughter relationship with her; then she would've been the mom I always wanted her to be back then. I didn't want her to be my best friend; I wanted her to be my mom. She was just trying so hard to reach out, she just wanted me to love her like I did before. I broke her heart! A lot of mistakes were made on both parts. We, over time have forgiven each other. Unfortunately, the memories of those hard times remain. I can never go back and make right what went wrong back then with her and I. Neither can she. I'm just glad we have moved past that time of our lives together.

Now, I am grown and married, with three kids of my own. One being a little girl. I hope one day, Grace and I can be best friends. But, for now and until she is grown and own her own, I will be her Mother. I will have to be the bad guy from time to time. I will have to protect her at times when she thinks she knows what is best for her. It will not be fun and it will be hard at times. But with God's help he will see us through. I will have to remind myself, "Mom first; friend last."

Daughters want a relationship with their moms, but not one like they have with their girlfriends. They want one above that, better than that, one with rules and boundaries. We will test the rules and boundaries from time to time. That is when moms step in and bring us back to reality. We daughters and mothers just long for a Mother and Daughter relationship. Which is more special; more precious than any friendship we could ever have.

Missing You.........

My dad is going to kill me for posting this picture=D But, it is one of my favorites. My Dad is in the middle, with the cigarette between his fingers, glasses on his face and vest over his chest. From the left you have ; my late, Uncle Marcel, My Aunt Sasha, My Dad; Carry, Uncle Steve is the tall guy and then my late Uncle Paul; who my son, Samuel Paul, is named after (he is also named after my Uncle David Paul, too. I will tell you all about him in later blogs). I try to think back to those days and wonder what life was like? To look at pictures it seems life was so easy and simple. But was it really? Looking at this picture I would love to know what My Aunt Sasha is pointing at....could it be a gangster driving by=D? (JOKING) Some kids riding on their bikes with cans dragging behind them? Or maybe she was simply telling someone," look in the car, it's in there?"=D My Dad seems to have something on his mind, as well,....along with my Uncle Marcel and Uncle Paul. My Uncle Steve is the only one paying attention to the task at hand; which was, taking a family picture with his siblings.=D

Now, that time has passed, I can't help but wonder if any of them thought they would ever have to lay one of them to rest. Obviously, they didn't. They probably thought they would be together until the end of time. Growing old together with the rest of their families. Making new memories and reflecting back on the old ones. Sadly though, we have laid to rest two of them....My Uncle Marcel, who was murdered in the 1980's and my Uncle Paul, who died of Pulmonary Hypertension, in 2002. Both were in their 30's; so young to be gone.

It shows us that we are never promised another tomorrow. You need today, to put to rest any bad feelings you have for your loved ones and make peace. Tomorrow their time or yours could be up. If not, you will be left with a lot of guilt and sorrow. Believe me, I know, and it hurts every day. Get to know them. Just because you think you know your family doesn't mean you do. There maybe things you never knew about them. There are things I never knew about my Uncle Paul, until recently, when My Aunt Donna; his wife, told me about them. I was amazed at the man ; the Christian man, he was. To have know what I know now, back then. To have that chance to connect with him. To have had a deeper relationship ; other than the occasional visits and phone calls. For some there is still time to make things right. For others, your time has passed. If we only had one more chance to say, "I LOVE YOU!"

God is Listening..........

Have you ever asked yourself, "I wonder if God hears me?" Or, "God are you listening?" My friends, He is. Even when you feel he isn't or that He has washed His hands of you; He is still there, waiting for you. Maybe you are the one who isn't listening? Ever wonder?

I say this only because it wasn't long ago I felt this way. Matter of fact, I have asked God for several weeks,"Lord are you listening? Have you turned your back away from me?" I really have been scared that God has had enough and turned His back on me. I can't help but wonder,"When is enough, enough to God?" When does He finally think; "Okay I have given them chance after chance, but they just keep failing me and disappointing me. If they haven't got it yet, they never will."

Well, the Lord finally answered me. Yesterday was Our first Sunday back in church in over a month. You are probably wondering, Why so long? Well, the last time we went; Jacob's Children Church teacher came and got Joe out of the service. Jacob never stopped crying when we dropped him off at his class. Again you are wondering..."Let him cry, he'll stop eventually." Not Jacob.....not when he is that upset. They told Joe he was trying to escape out the door and then when they told him NO! He went to the window and was going to escape that way. So, needless to say, we have been to embarrassed to go back and we were afraid of how Jacob would react. But, I couldn't take being away from God and not hearing His Word. I feel that is one way the Lord speaks to us. So, I felt if I could go to church maybe, I would hear Him there. Then I could know if God has turned His back on me.

Jacob and Samuel were in the service with us....they did well, too. But it was still distracting and I did have to walk out twice to help the baby. So, before I knew it church was over and I felt I had walked away empty. I didn't hear God today. I was so mad and upset. Joe asked me at one point on the way home,"Why do you have that look on your face?" I replied, "Because! I don't know why we even went today! I didn't get anything from the message, the kids were in there with us. They were good but at times it was distracting. You seemed frustrated. It would've been better to have stayed at home. I sorry, I'm just tired and don't feel good." I didn't feel like myself, yes, but there was more to it. So, after lunch the baby and I went to my room shut the door and stayed in bed all day. I laid there thinking about the service, "Was there a time God tried to talk to me or tell me something and I just wasn't listening?"

The baby and I got up and began the night, dinner, baths etc.... When the kids went to bed I thought Joe and I would watch "Fireproof". We did and what a great movie! Loved it! When it was over we got ready for bed and went to bed. But I laid there talking to God and finally, HE SPOKE TO MY HEART! Out of no where a part of the service played in my head.....It was when we were singing "Amazing Grace". The Lord reminded me of a time in my life when I felt no one listened to me. I would sing "Amazing Grace" and just cry my eyes out. One night I began screaming at God, asking him "DO YOU HEAR ME?! DO YOU LISTEN TO ME?" That Sunday Joe and I went to church (running late as usual) and this woman was up on stage getting ready to sing and she sang "Amazing Grace". I began to sob like a baby. That was the song I had been singing all week and that was God's way in letting me know he is listening to me.

Well, last night the Lord let me know, again through song, that he hears me and that He has not given up on me. Thank You Lord! Thank you! I can't imagine God's love for us all. To be able to Love like that; I couldn't imagine it. But that is what he wants us to do. To love each other the way he loves us. To love unconditionally. To love when you feel that person doesn't deserve it. That you have given them chance after a chance, but they just keep letting you down; they just keep hurting you. I'm glad the Lord hasn't quit loving me. Most of all I'm glad, I have Him as My Father, my Lord and Savior.

My Happy Ever After

People said ,"They'll never make it." Others said,"They're to young." We said,"They are all wrong!" Joe and I were young when we married. Matter of fact, this december 11th, we will be celebrating 10 years together. WOW! Hard to believe. Our marriage got off to a rocky start. Joe lost his job the first few weeks of US being married. I got a new job a couple of weeks after US being married. Only to be laid off later. (Company started down sizing- you know the rule last hired; first fired.) But through it all we never let it break us. We were there for each other and loved and supported each other.
To better understand why some felt the way they did......In 1999, I was a Senior in High School. To some, my future was a wide open space. Many wanted to see me go off to college and "BE SOMEONE." All I wanted was to love and make Joe happy. I was and I Am happy with who and what I have become. Other people couldn't understand that at the time. Joe graduated in 1996, he is the type when he wants something, he wants it right then.=D So, He wanted to be married and we were; December 11th 1999. We figured, why wait?...We love each other and know that we were /are meant to be together till death! Looking back we laugh at all the memories we have shared so far. It has been a learning experience that we will cherish all our lives. I was the Princess and he was My knight and Shining Armor; MY PRINCE, who to me, saved me from a dark life.
Now, 9 years later, We are the King and Queen of our Domain. We have a beautiful 4 yr old Princess; named Grace Anna ; A two Yr old, wild at heart Prince, named Jacob Michael; and a 3 month old Prince, named Samuel Paul. Who is starting to come out of his shell=D We are truly blessed and Rich. (rich in a sense some will not understand. A richness money can not buy) We have no clue what the future has in stored for Us. The unknown is what keeps Us going. It definitely keeps Our lives exciting. =DYou never know what is around the corner. All we can do is pray for God's guidance, protection, love, mercy and forgiveness. I know, My God, will not put more on Us than we can stand.